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Citizen Edition: The Ire of the Right

I make films. At least, it feels like I used to. These days I just seem to slog through the swamp Atreyu and Artax the horse did in Neverending Story.

Not because of existential crises to do with writing scripts and trying to squeeze a narrative out of insufficient footage, oh no. The dread from being in the path of the relentless hurricane of the emboldened right wingers armed with hot takes and trigger warnings.

My twitter feed was becoming clogged up with Brexit news and Trump news and Yellow Vest (British variety) news and blah, blah, blah. With less and less content about things I like in my feed I figured I should have a change of venue for the dark, gooey matter that secretes from my online gall bladder. That venue is @CitizenEdition. There you will find my rantings, bleatings and swearings.

The latest thing to get my goat? The Youth Climate Protests. Oh god, no... not the actual young folk going out demonstrating! They are marvelous and make me ashamed of the apathetic late, late Gen Xer I am. Was I out ruining the Houses or Parliament lawn when I was a nipper? Was I fuck. I was lazy and probably asleep after an all night playstation session back when it was simply 'Playstation'. Stomp away my friends and carry on annoying the inexplicably annoyed Christopher Hope who seemingly thinks that being 'Green' meant protecting the ACTUAL colour 'green' contained within the sacred blades at Westminster. I tried to read his post as maybe satire, or perhaps a little bit of Joshing. But alas, it was the sad sight of an old person annoyed at kids on the lawns of their elders.

Then BREAKING NEWS: Theresa May was annoyed with them too! Clearly worse than giving a field of wheat a thorough kerb stomping, eh, Theresa, ye olde hooligan? To me, if you are annoying old people about things like climate change, and more urgently, gun control in the States, then your generation is doing something right.

I often want to curl up in a little ball and implode when James O'Brien says that Toby Young was once 'cool'. I really like James and his LBC show but it really makes me wince when I hear him say that. Stop it. I can't, nay, shan't believe it. Having come to Toby Young very late, the only opinion I have of him is that he is a lecherous egg, injected with malice and unnerving predatory instincts. Like Dr Wong in the JP cinematic universe was dicking about in his lab and forgot he left the incubator on. Young did, after all, marvel at Danny Boyle's daughter's breasts and tweet about them, albeit thinking she was Boyles wife. That isn't a caveat, he's still a lech.

In his 'edgy, hot take wisdom' he has written a piece blasting these students for not protesting at the weekend. That's not how you protest you silly, out of touch, no friends (his words, not mine) twit. Imagine a world where protesting was only done when it was convenient. Very beige indeed. Mark Thomas does a wonderful bit about organised protesting here. Of course James Cleverly, Dan Hodges and other weird residents of double think land agree with him. Bloody kids.

The final paragraph of Toby's rant at young people:

'If children really must wag their fingers at older generations for some imaginary sin, I wish they’d do it at the weekend. Better yet, they could combine it with picking up litter, which really might do something for the environment. The fact that so many students have been taken in by Greta Thunberg’s crude propaganda is an argument for raising the voting age to 21, not lowering it to 16.'

Toby wags his finger at young whipper snappers daring to take a pot shot at their elders. He then wishes they'd do it at the weekend. Probably so he can nip down and have a gander at the sixth former's...placards. He then suggests that the voting age should be changed because they have been taken in by 'crude propaganda'. Well, dear Toby, what the fuck do we do with Brexiters who cite that bus, Art XXIV being the saviour of 'no deal' and anyone who listens to the demented orating of Jacob Rees Mogg and the rest of the odious ERG? Fuck it. NO-ONE gets a vote. Except me, obviously.

Once again a bat shit right wing argument that upon closer inspection isn't funny, interesting or even correct falls down because they don't get it or just won't give any thought to how these people feel. Empathy is in short supply these days. Especially from edge lords. Did I say 'edge lords'? I meant 'soulless husks'.

To our young comrades, I say this... (that sounded really patronizing, but its not meant to be) The world is yours. It is not Theresa May's or Toadmeister's or even mine as I set off into my 38th year. Fight for it and stick two fingers up to those that oppose you. If you think they are fucking you over. It's because they probably are.

They'll be dead soon.