Last weekend was somewhat nerve racking. Not because of the whole Brexit thing, (although I did feel a little bit empty inside on Friday morning) but because the crowd funding campaign for Fissure was due to launch. I've never done one before. My insides were knotted with worry, and doubt and all manner of 'what ifs' and other questions.
Other people were involved now. I had no choice but to let it go live.
This whole journey has been a revelation. For those of you who don't really know me, I'm my own worst critic. I worry about the quality of my work non stop, I worry no one will like what I do (as I think most artists do). At first I want everyone to see what I've made, then as soon as its out there, PANIC. Sometimes the panic sets in before I send my baby out into the world and no-one sees it. So it has been with writing my own films. Constant revisions and eventually just filing them under 'bin' . 'No-one wants to see that'...
Fissure has been something of an eye opener. I decided that this time I would force myself to make it happen, regardless of budget. I'd call friends and sort out skill exchanges and all that jazz. First Jenny and Joe took an interest. Then they said they wanted to produce it. 'Must be a mistake' my mind said to me. The effort these guys have put in so far is remarkable. So I felt better about it. Then slowly but surely, others started getting excited about the project. People I didn't know. Nicole Pott came on board as first AD. Martyn Ellis of Noise four, our cast, Emma Laidlaw, Matt Lanigan and Lucy Hird have all sung the scripts praises. All these people who didn't HAVE to say they liked it. Are they nuts?!
Having people be excited about a project that started off as some notes in my little Star Wars moleskin is a real eye opener. It makes you feel good. It has moved on from that, to people actually putting hard earned cash into the project which is something else. The fact that, less than a week in. we are 16% funded is gobsmacking. Mancunian Matters got in touch and wanted to run a story and interview me about it? Who am I? Chuffed to bits is who I am.
I guess what I'm babbling about is that amongst all the social media shout outs and pixel art profile pictures (that will come when people send photos!, grrrr) I am truly thankful for the help from EVERYONE in making the scribbles in my childish notebook a reality. If all I take away from this is I got to shoot a movie with some amazing talents, I am happy. Like Larry. He seemed like he had it pretty good.